My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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