do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
