clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
