I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
