Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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