Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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