we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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