someone get that fucking seahorse.
they need to just BURY HIM!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
