Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
