Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize