Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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