I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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