Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
