Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
