I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
