cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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