The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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