She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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