i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
ok first of all what the fuck
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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