Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
