maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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