Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize