If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
