I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
