I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We had sex on a dog bed..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
