she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
