Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
