Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
