dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
