He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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