Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
