Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
COCAINE IS GR8
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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