ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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