the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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