Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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