my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
