Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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