What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
