I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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