He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize