The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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