There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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