I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
