just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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