How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
