that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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