Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
