did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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