Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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