This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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