But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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