Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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