I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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