im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
