Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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