the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
