I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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