he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
