During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
