And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
