Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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