Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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