i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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