His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
