I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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